I Don't Like Clowns

They scare me, always have. Their creepy red hair, ghostly white make up and alarmingly large feet make me want to hide under the covers. Of course reading a Dean Koontz book based on a psycho clown - Life Expectancy didn't help - in fact that book solidified my deep fear of the flower squirting, juggling menaces.

Anyhow, this entry isn't about clowns, but about something they do - juggling.

Despite my anti clown stance - I am a juggler, and a decent one at that.

No, I don't juggle bowling pins or cartoonishly large tomatoes, I juggle life, more specifically pieces of life, of my life.

Don't get me wrong, I am not fond of this daily routine, but it is a necessary act in order to be successful.  One reason why I don't thrill at the chance to juggle is that this act  has the tendency to be SO SO SO perilous, that if one aspect is dropped, it is a huge challenge to get a good rhythm going again.

I think about when life was a bit more simple (I know - how cliche') - but honestly, there was a time when all I had to worry about was myself. Getting myself up for work (or play or whatever that particular day had to offer) - and go.  I had no idea how complicated and difficult life could get.

Well, welcome to my own personal circus act. 

Finding the balance that allows me to keep everything floating through the air in a seamless cycle is quite difficult. It makes me anxious and I sometimes lose sleep over it. I tend to want to over achieve in everything I do and am NOT good at failure or coming in second. 

Priorities - that is the key.  Being able to identify my priorities allows to (most of the time) achieve and maintain that sought after balance.

I am not perfect and yes, the pattern gets broken and chaos sometimes ensues.  But I am learning that it is NOT the end of the world, that I just have to pick up the pieces and start again.  It sounds so simple, until you are there - staring at your child who has big fat tears rolling down his cheeks because you were late picking him up from school, or the disapproving looks from your boyfriend because you are on your phone working during his surprise party that YOU planned...

Life is messy and complicated - SO complicated.  But I am up for the challenge, anxiously, nervously - but up for it..I didn't see this life when I looked into my future, but it is the life that I have been given - so onward with it I go.

xo