Being Thankful

Thanksgiving isn't until November and in the hot humid days of August, it is odd to be thinking about autumn, pumpkins and a chill in the air.  This holiday is all about being thankful for what one has in life, one's blessings. In the company of family, good food and cocktails, finding happiness and that "thankful " feeling is easy.  It is on those long and even longer nights when thoughts of tiny bank accounts and bills to pay,  that being thankful feels almost impossible.

My life is a busy and somewhat crazy existence - as are all single mommies' lives.  I put Sidekick's wants and needs before mine, leaving me lacking life's finer things, a closet full of new clothes, a fancy car, monthly pedis.  This sometimes makes me quite upset, yes, I chose this life, yes I knew my monetary situation would change drastically - and I wouldn't change that for anything, but c'mon - who wouldn't like to replace their aging 10 year old car? Or go on long vacations? So yes, I do sometimes fall victim of the green goblin of envy. Envy of new cars, fat bank accounts and new shoes.

So as I fight with this green monster, I get lost, and forget about what I do have.  I know it is extremely cliche' and it is made to sound so easy.."Focus on what you do have instead of what you don't"  Blah Blah Blah..  Those inspirational posters make me want to shred them!!

Anyhow, it turns out those posters may be onto something. I may have rough heels and some older clothes, but I have my happy Sidekick, I have my health and I have me.  My mantra to get through the tough times is "my life is good" and it is.  It is tough and exhausting, but wonderful.

This is not a "lets hold hands and dance in hippie circles" post, but a reminder to you and also to myself to focus on what you do have.  Some days it can be as simple as "I have a yummy hot coffee", but it is something.

So, keep your chin up and be thankful.

xo

I Don't Like Clowns

They scare me, always have. Their creepy red hair, ghostly white make up and alarmingly large feet make me want to hide under the covers. Of course reading a Dean Koontz book based on a psycho clown - Life Expectancy didn't help - in fact that book solidified my deep fear of the flower squirting, juggling menaces.

Anyhow, this entry isn't about clowns, but about something they do - juggling.

Despite my anti clown stance - I am a juggler, and a decent one at that.

No, I don't juggle bowling pins or cartoonishly large tomatoes, I juggle life, more specifically pieces of life, of my life.

Don't get me wrong, I am not fond of this daily routine, but it is a necessary act in order to be successful.  One reason why I don't thrill at the chance to juggle is that this act  has the tendency to be SO SO SO perilous, that if one aspect is dropped, it is a huge challenge to get a good rhythm going again.

I think about when life was a bit more simple (I know - how cliche') - but honestly, there was a time when all I had to worry about was myself. Getting myself up for work (or play or whatever that particular day had to offer) - and go.  I had no idea how complicated and difficult life could get.

Well, welcome to my own personal circus act. 

Finding the balance that allows me to keep everything floating through the air in a seamless cycle is quite difficult. It makes me anxious and I sometimes lose sleep over it. I tend to want to over achieve in everything I do and am NOT good at failure or coming in second. 

Priorities - that is the key.  Being able to identify my priorities allows to (most of the time) achieve and maintain that sought after balance.

I am not perfect and yes, the pattern gets broken and chaos sometimes ensues.  But I am learning that it is NOT the end of the world, that I just have to pick up the pieces and start again.  It sounds so simple, until you are there - staring at your child who has big fat tears rolling down his cheeks because you were late picking him up from school, or the disapproving looks from your boyfriend because you are on your phone working during his surprise party that YOU planned...

Life is messy and complicated - SO complicated.  But I am up for the challenge, anxiously, nervously - but up for it..I didn't see this life when I looked into my future, but it is the life that I have been given - so onward with it I go.

xo