OK, I have to jump on the bandwagon and comment on this blog entry that has gone viral, Facebook, Twitter, other blogs - I could not escape it! So, when in Rome..or should I say - blog-o-sphere..
Anyhow, it is entitled "Marriage Isn't for You" (click here for it) .
I have been avoiding anything written about marriage as of late. Not that I am a marriage basher - I think it is a wonderful institution when entered into by two people who love and respect each other..I just - well, am still a bit bitter that mine ended. But as I said, I had to read this one.
The gist is that marriage is (or should be) about the other person, not about YOU, about your SPOUSE. Ensuring their happiness and joy over yours is the object of the author's game of marriage. This advice coming from his wise, sage dad.
Ok, in theory, yes, absolutely, one should ALWAYS put one's spouse's need/wants/desires over one's own. Until the other party involved in the marriage dance doesn't. Until the other party decides that it is his/her prerogative to do what he/she feels like at the time, regardless of the other party's thoughts/wishes. This creates a lopsided equation then breeds resentment and anger. Communication is the only salve fore this break in the chain. Both parties have to agree to put the others' needs before their own. Again, in theory it sounds like the stuff of fairy tales - until it's not.
My bitter betty point here is that there are no absolutes in marriage. Yes, there are times when one will put one's partner's needs before them, of COURSE...but it can't always be that way. There must be a give and take. Selfish is not a dirty word, one needs to be selfish once in a while.
I find this cookie cutter view of marriage to be unrealistic. If one expects to ALWAYS be put first, one will be disappointed. It's a long fall from the perfect marriage to a realistic marriage.
xo
Monday, November 4, 2013
Friday, November 1, 2013
Who Are You?
I really want to know..Raise your hand if you love the Who..
I have been thinking about identities. Who are you? Who do you think you are? And why?
Labels and identities define us as people. These definitions start even before we are born, boy or girl? As we move through life, we pick up more identities, more labels that define who we are. How we look, act, where we live, what our careers are, even how and what we eat.
How many of these identities and labels do we create and how many are created for us? And how do we view ourselves through these labels?
This thought has been on my mind as I am looking for a new job. I recently found out that as of the end of the year, I would no longer have a job, my position (and whole office) is being dissolved. I have had the same job, sat in the same office and worked with the same people for close to 10 years. My employment became part of my identity. Potential unemployment changes part of my identity, or does it? With all of the identities and labels, which one(s) really defines us? Am I defined by what I have been doing at my desk in my office for years? Or does the title Mommy, or even Single Mommy really define me? I don't know the answer.
This goes back to the question of who do you think you are? When asked "Tell me about yourself", what do you lead off with? We have so many pieces that make up the puzzle that is our existence, to pick the brightest pieces, the one that stands out the most is a daunting exercise.
So ask yourself, which labels defines who I really am?
xo
I have been thinking about identities. Who are you? Who do you think you are? And why?
Labels and identities define us as people. These definitions start even before we are born, boy or girl? As we move through life, we pick up more identities, more labels that define who we are. How we look, act, where we live, what our careers are, even how and what we eat.
How many of these identities and labels do we create and how many are created for us? And how do we view ourselves through these labels?
This thought has been on my mind as I am looking for a new job. I recently found out that as of the end of the year, I would no longer have a job, my position (and whole office) is being dissolved. I have had the same job, sat in the same office and worked with the same people for close to 10 years. My employment became part of my identity. Potential unemployment changes part of my identity, or does it? With all of the identities and labels, which one(s) really defines us? Am I defined by what I have been doing at my desk in my office for years? Or does the title Mommy, or even Single Mommy really define me? I don't know the answer.
This goes back to the question of who do you think you are? When asked "Tell me about yourself", what do you lead off with? We have so many pieces that make up the puzzle that is our existence, to pick the brightest pieces, the one that stands out the most is a daunting exercise.
So ask yourself, which labels defines who I really am?
xo
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