Is Marriage for YOU?

OK, I have to jump on the bandwagon and comment on this blog entry that has gone viral, Facebook, Twitter, other blogs - I could not escape it! So, when in Rome..or should I say - blog-o-sphere..

Anyhow, it is entitled "Marriage Isn't for You" (click here for it) .

I have been avoiding anything written about marriage as of late. Not that I am a marriage basher - I think it is a wonderful institution when entered into by two people who love and respect each other..I just - well, am still a bit bitter that mine ended. But as I said, I had to read this one.

The gist is that marriage is (or should be) about the other person, not about YOU, about your SPOUSE. Ensuring their happiness and joy over yours is the object of the author's game of marriage. This advice coming from his wise, sage dad.

Ok, in theory, yes, absolutely, one should ALWAYS put one's spouse's need/wants/desires over one's own. Until the other party involved in the marriage dance doesn't. Until the other party decides that it is his/her prerogative to do what he/she feels like at the time, regardless of the other party's thoughts/wishes. This creates a lopsided equation then breeds resentment and anger. Communication is the only salve fore this break in the chain. Both parties have to agree to put the others' needs before their own. Again, in theory it sounds like the stuff of fairy tales - until it's not.

My bitter betty point here is that there are no absolutes in marriage.  Yes, there are times when one will put one's partner's needs before them, of COURSE...but it can't always be that way. There must be a give and take.  Selfish is not a dirty word, one needs to be selfish once in a while.

I find this cookie cutter view of marriage to be unrealistic. If one expects to ALWAYS be put first, one will be disappointed. It's a long fall from the perfect marriage to a realistic marriage.

xo